This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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