I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
