i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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