so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
