I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
