If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
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I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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