How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
