Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
