someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
