ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I die, sorry about rent.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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