If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
