I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
