Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
