My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
