What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Randomize
