one might say we're banned from that church
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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