The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
