i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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