I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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