just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
