dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
