I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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