Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
