Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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