I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
