Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
