You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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