you would pick up someone in the library
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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