No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
