I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
