Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think my mom watched the whole time
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my poor anus
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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