so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
