Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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