I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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