but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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