I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
