fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
