i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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