I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize