i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
