I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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