A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
