he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Bring me that man meat
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
