How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
