one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
