So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
