when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
