"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
His nipple licking is glorious
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