I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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