I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
