..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
