dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
