you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
