My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
