i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
