I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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