she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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