To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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