So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
