my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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