just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
