I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
