I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
