Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
